New evidence that ignorance is bliss. “A lot of people still
don’t really know who I am,” acting President John Frog Kerry told
100 astonished supporters (not to be confused with the athletic
supporters he purchased for PR reasons several weeks ago) at the
tony New York “21” club yesterday. Each had paid some $25,000 for
the inside scoop and some go-go dancing.
So who are these lucky ignorant dogs who still don’t know who
Kerry really is? How could they have gone this long without being
wowed by Kerry and his deep religiosity, dazzling wit, and
unforgettable charm. Per usual, the day was saved by Republicans
and their knack for being ahead of the eight-ball and of course
doing the right thing. As Kerry sheepishly acknowledged, “There are
so many Republicans who have said to me: ‘You know, for the first
time in my life, I’m going to vote for a Democrat. I’m ready to
switch over.’” All we can say in response is, “Go ahead, Senator
McCain. Make our day.”
It’s no accident that voter cluelessness regarding Kerry
coincides with the demise of Air America Radio. If Al Franken
wasn’t going to turn the nation on to Kerry the way he himself was
once turned on by other illicit substances, who could? Besides Al
Jazeera, that is, speaking for the Bedouin branch of the Al Franken
family. But as everyone who doesn’t even know Kerry knows, the plug
has been pulled on Air Franken in two of its five mini-markets.
It’s a stunning development, completely unanticipated and
unacceptable.
How sad too for a devotee of New Radio, who had sent us an
encomium just the other week: “Franken and Garofalo make a great
team. My friends and I all listen faithfully and we hear there are
listening rooms springing up at Starbucks all over the country….”
Guess they heard wrong. Pass the creamer and a stirring stick.
Could be the Franken show was a victim of the growing popularity
of the 9/11 Commission. The sonorous Dickie Ben-Veniste has proved
an excellent DJ, and whenever Ms. Jamie Gorelick has taken a turn
at the mike the nation has been treated to a feast of
easy-listening. We like her a lot. Her big eyes, her Kerry warmth,
her hair coloring, her ability to inspire men to rush to her
defense at a moment’s notice. Who (besides Dickie B-V) says
chivalry ain’t dead?
Naturally it’s Republicans who compete hardest for her
attentions. The other day, after Attorney General John Ashcroft had
said something hurtful about Miss Jamie and rendered her
speechless, it was former GOP senator Slade Gorton who came to her
rescue. In an exemplary display of bipartisanship, he directed all
her DNC-approved jibes at Ashcroft as if they were his own. We hope
John Frog Kerry can count on his vote, too.
Gorton’s heroism compelled Commission chairman Tom Kean to
spring into action and tell Americans to keep their noses out of
Ms. Gorelick’s business. Until that point, Kean had had some
doubters. If not for Fox News no one would have know he was playing
any role at all. As it is, appearing as he did on Fox alongside
co-chairman Lee Hamilton, he left viewers with the distinct
impression that he was there only as Hamilton’s caddy or
chauffeur.
The stature gap may be Hamilton’s doing. Unlike the New Jerseyan
Kean, Hamilton hails from a distinguished Indiana family which had
its seat in Raintree County and answered to boss Booth Tarkington.
Now another Hoosier and Democratic henchman, Commissioner Tim
Roemer, answers to Lee Hamilton. How convenient. How unusual. How
indictable.
We could blame the Bush crowd and their usual unpreparedness. Or
we can blame Tom Kean, for not having had the smarts to be raised
in Indiana. That’s reason enough to record Kean as EOW in our book.
At least now he has an excuse.
