By R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr. on 4.1.04 @ 12:04AM
As Kerry's numbers shrink, the Dems will need to pull someone out of their hat and quick.
WASHINGTON -- I believe the Democrats are on to something. I
believe they have devised a very clever plan to stop Senator John
François Kerry's decline in the polls. According to news
reports, they are checking him in at an undisclosed hospital for
tendon surgery on his shoulder. That will keep him out of sight for
a while. After that they can try knee surgery. He has a record of
knee injuries. Then there are his allergies. Off and on they can
check him into an allergy sanitarium. When he actually does appear
on the campaign trail, if his penchant for he-man boasts and
embarrassing fibs again sinks him in the polls, he can always be
briefly hospitalized for "periodic checkups." His medical records
indicate that he suffers enough additional maladies that periodic
checkups are completely understandable.
Essentially, the Democrats are settling on a campaign strategy
not unlike the Republicans' famous "front-porch campaign" that
worked so well for the dolt Harding in 1920. The goal is to keep
the dud candidate remote from voter scrutiny. Divert the press
until the candidate's polling numbers stabilize.
Right now Kerry's polling numbers are wilting against President
George W. Bush, and so it is off to shoulder surgery. Actually no
one should be surprised that the Massachusetts Braggart's
popularity drops the more the electorate sees of him. He is an
absurd figure. His campaign was dead in the water late in 2003 and
only picked up steam when Democratic primary voters noted that
their frontrunner, Dr. Howard Dean of unhappy memory, was even more
absurd.
Now the French-looking senator is again in the public eye, and
what that eye perceives it obviously does not like: the macho
candidate ostentatiously purchasing an athletic supporter (size
large!), the vacationing skier taking spills on the slopes and
bellowing "I don't fall down." Kerry made this silly statement
before blaming a Secret Service agent for his tumble and cussing at
him. Gentlemen do not act like that. In fact, gentlemen do not
bring down on themselves all the ridicule Kerry has provoked by
objecting to being referred to as "French-looking." Some White
House wag playfully asserted that Kerry "looks French," and Kerry
very foolishly threw another of his famous fits, portraying himself
as the victim of White House dirty tricks.
Ever since, the nation's wits have been teasing Kerry about his
Frenchness. Doubtless he will provide more opportunities for
further ridicule -- unless the Democrats can keep him in hospitals
and clinics. The reason Kerry is faltering in the polls is that the
Massachusetts Braggart is a colossal phony. He has always been a
colossal phony, and that is one reason he has never made it out of
Massachusetts. He is a second-tier candidate.
A graver worry for the Democrats than Kerry's fall in the polls
is the fact that in 2004 -- as in 1992 -- every Democrat seeking
the nomination was second-tier. In 1992 the first-tier candidates
feared Bush I. By 2004 it appears the Democrats do not really have
a front tier candidate. John Fund, the insightful political
observer from the Wall Street Journal, believes this is
because the Democrats are dominated by narrow angry ideologues, for
instance, the feminists and the environmentalists. Another reason
for the paucity of Democratic presidential talent is that serious
presidential contenders come from the governor's mansions. For the
first time in decades the governor's mansions of the four largest
states in the nation are inhabited by Republicans.
Thus the amused political pundits of the nation can anticipate
an agreeably comic campaign from the chap whom we now call the
Democrats' "presumptive" presidential nominee. To those of you who
hooted in joy when Senator Jean François theatrically
purchased that jock strap, may I say you ain't seen nothin'
yet.
The only damper I can foresee on the proceedings might be the
arrival of Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton on the ticket. She would
not inspire laughter either as vice presidential nominee or at the
top of the ticket. But then with her vast political background and
national following, she more closely approximates a first -tier
than a second-tier candidate. Is it possible that just as a Clinton
put the hex on a Bush in 1992, a Clinton might put the hex on a
Bush in 2004?
topics:
Environment, NATO
