In the heat of the 2000 election, Vice President Al Gore
ridiculously remarked that the characters in the movie Love
Story were based on him and his wife Tipper. The comment was
patently untrue and, given Gore’s earlier whopper about inventing
the Internet, it was easy to shrug off.
But John Kerry, this year’s Democrat heir presumptive to the
presidency, may have a greater claim to the role of screenwriter’s
muse. The 1997 Gramercy Pictures production The Matchmaker
features a character with an uncanny similarity to the junior
Senator from Massachusetts.
The Matchmaker is a romantic comedy that stars Janeane
Garofalo as a young staffer for a prominent American politician who
finds herself alone in the Aulde Sod during the commencement of a
local annual Matchmaking Festival. A match is eventually made
between Garofalo’s character, Marcy and her antagonistic love
interest, Sean (played by David O’Hara.) As with other recent
lighthearted Irish comedies (Waking Ned Devine, etc.) the
charming scenery, spirited score, and very Irishness of Ireland are
characters in and of themselves.
OK, YOU SAY. But there’s not much there that reeks of Kerry thus
far. However, there is an intriguing back story that can only have
been lifted from the pages of the Boston Globe.
Garofalo’s boss, Massachusetts Sen. John McGlory (played by Jay
O. Sanders), faces a tough re-election and is in the race of his
life. He’s behind in the polls, so to win the hearts of the heavily
Irish-American Boston voters, haggard handler Nick Ward (Denis
Leary) decides to play the “Green Card.” He sends Garofalo to
Ireland to round up the long lost McGlory clan for the mother of
all photo-ops.
Readers may recall John Kerry’s frequent appeals to
Irish-American voters, not just in Boston, but nationwide. He
opened his 1986 St. Patrick’s Day address to the United States
Senate this way: “For those of us who are fortunate to share an
Irish ancestry, we take great pride in the contributions that
Irish-Americans have made to this country.”
At the 1982 Massachusetts Democrat State Convention, Kerry had
his floor whips wear emerald green T-shirts emblazoned with the
slogan, “Up Kerry!” It was a takeoff of the “Up The IRA” murals
painted all over the North of Ireland.
The scene is re-created with satirical accuracy in The
Matchmaker: upon winning his re-election, Sen. McGlory waves a
green derby hat to a cheering crowd. “It’s a great day for the
Irish!” he yells.
ONLY McGLORY DOESN’T HAVE one bit of the emerald isle in him. The
Senator’s father jokes with Garofalo in the back of the room. “The
funny thing is,” he says. “I’m not even Irish. I’m Hungarian.”
And neither is Kerry. He’s a mix, Eastern European mostly. His
paternal grandfather, as everyone now knows, was a Jew from
Austria-Hungary. After the Globe blew the lid off this
story last year, Kerry was forced to acknowledge he may have
(cough) allowed people to believe he was an Irishman.
The similarities continue. Sanders, who plays Senator McGlory is
easily the tallest member of the cast. Kerry stands a stately six
foot five inches. Sanders also has an oversized jaw and jutting
chin. Hollywood.com calls him “broad-faced.” Kerry has had plastic
surgery to take over an inch of his protruding puss.
Also, by the end of the film, Senator McGlory is on the hunt for
a much younger lassie over whom he has fallen head over heels.
Meanwhile, John Kerry’s fancy for the young ladies has slowly
started to creep into the narrative of the 2004 election. It’s as
though everyone involved in the production of this film went to
extraordinary lengths to capture John Kerry on celluloid.
There are more ironic coincidences. Film co-star Denis Leary
plays hockey with John Kerry. And while Garofalo endorsed and
campaigned for Kerry’s rival Howard Dean, is there any doubt the
high-strung liberal activist will stump for Kerry once he’s the
nominee?
SO WHAT’S THE DEAL? Did the makers of The Matchmaker
create Sen. John McGlory with Sen. John Kerry in mind? They’re not
telling. In fact, they won’t even return my calls. Left to my own
devices, I have to conclude that, yes, that is indeed what
happened. I urge everyone to go rent the film and judge for
themselves.
