Now, what do all those folks who watch the Super Bowl for the
commercials have to say? Wasn’t it fun? Especially if the kids were
allowed to stay up and watch at least the first half of the game,
‘cause that’s where the really filthy ones were slotted.
The beer ad with the two dogs was especially cute. A trained dog
fetches his master a Bud from the cooler. Beer in hand, the master
asks the other fellow what his dog can do. The other fellow’s dog
obviously bites the first man in the crotch, causing him to toss
the beer to the other fellow.
There is the large, jolly African-American man going down a
hallway to get a massage, but is lured into a side room full of
beer. We see him agonized and screaming in pain as the door closes
informing us that he has wandered into the “bikini wax ” room by
mistake.
They aren’t all beer ads, these classics for which we have
waited all year. One is a car ad featuring juveniles with bars of
soap lodged in their mouths. How this comes about is revealed when
a little boy views one of the new cars, mouths the words, “Holy
sh—” and is next seen with a bar of soap in his mouth.
There is a chimpanzee, a young man’s pet, who puts an arm around
the man’s girlfriend when the swain has gone for the beer. The
primate speaks and suggests they go upstairs, obviously for sex.
The swain returns briefly, causing the chimp to withdraw an arm.
But the conversation resumes when the swain leaves, the chimp
wondering if the intended sex partner has anything against a hairy
back.
It isn’t all sex. Some is simple scatology. A beautiful wintery
scene in the forest. A man and a woman are seated together in a
horse-drawn sleigh. The man romantically produces a crystal ball
with a lighted candle, then leans to produce some beers from a
cooler. At this moment, the gray horse drawing the sleigh lifts its
tail high over its back and breaks wind in the woman’s face with
such force that it blows out the candle and destroys her makeup and
hairdo.
The commercial aficionados may have sought relief in a live
halftime show featuring P. Diddy and others in a writhing dance
accompanied by lyrics that could not be understood in the Western
Hemisphere, a combination of rap and rapacity that climaxed when
Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake performed a series of gyrations
redolent of the chimp commercial and climaxing with Miss Jackson’s
right breast apparently exposed.
For reasons known only to CBS and the time buyers, the
commercials during most of the second half were reasonably tame.
There were some appeals to responsibility when drinking, a couple
of expensive car ads, some inoffensives for AOL, but no further
plays on bestiality, flatulence or painful depilatory episodes. Too
bad, for by now the kiddies were in bed. The rectitude of the
network had spared them and their elders the pain of watching a
commercial with political overtones, the CBS practices regime
rejecting such a crass offering.
It is said that the New England Patriots won the game with the
Carolina Panthers in the last minute or so, but not by the point
spread. Speaking of “spread,” did you hear the one about… Sorry.
Too much television, I guess.
