By any measure, 2003 was a tough year. It ends Orange, and 2004
promises to be as bad or worse. Next year we will enjoy a
presidential election that is certain to produce thoughtful
speeches, insightful interviews, and cutting debates. Yeah, well, I
don’t believe it either. But maybe Madeleine the Short is right,
and Dubya has bin Laden stashed away somewhere, to be dragged
behind his chariot into the convention hall. If that is to be, I
only wish I could be in the CBS booth when it happens. I think Dan
Rather would cry.
Enough idle musing. There is much to do. As we draw alongside
2004, let’s once again plant our feet, turn our faces into the
storm and prepare to sail against the wind. Clear for action, load
with chain shot and issue a brace of pistols to all hands, for I
mean to grapple and board.
I am an American man. I own many rolls of duct tape and an
18-volt cordless drill. I am, therefore, invincible. I fear no
package labeled, “some assembly required.” I offer assistance to
those who do, and gracefully accept their thanks, and wine and
whiskey. I say nothing to their wives. Their misfortune is not
something a gentleman would mention. I reject the idea that there
are problems beyond our ability to solve, and in the famous words
of the World War Two shipbuilders, “the difficult we do
immediately, the impossible takes a little longer.” As for
impossibly stupid ideas, and people, we must rejoice in rejecting
them, and the fruits — and wines — of their labors.
I refuse to buy anything made in France. And I reject the idea
that our boycott of French goods is ineffective, simply because
it’s untrue. Even the Frogs admit that wine sales in the U.S. are a
little off. But, of course, they’re trying to conceal the growing
impact the boycott is having. The good folks at AC Nielsen keep
count of much more than television ratings. I have a copy of the AC
Nielsen “ScanTrack” report dated 14 November. It shows that for the
year ending 27 September, French wine sales in the U.S. are down
12% from 2002, and declining monthly. Another American wine
industry source told me declining sales for some types of French
wine are much higher — probably about 25% — and still rising.
Nevertheless, I hope you’ve stocked up on champagne for New Year’s
Eve. Certainly not the stuff made Over There.
Let us rejoice in rejecting false labels. I insist that
champagne is made —— very well, in fact — in places such as
Washington, California, Spain and Australia. The term “sparkling
wine” is a falsehood forced upon us by our government to protect
the mouse that cannot roar. I reject it utterly. When I open a
bottle of cold champagne I am drinking a product made anywhere but
France, and enjoying it all the more. The Aussies have a real
talent for adult beverages (making as well as drinking), and their
very odd “sparkling Shiraz” will be in my wine refrigerator next to
the American-made champagnes. It’s kinda like sangria, but without
all that annoying fruit cocktail sludge. And it is up to us to
ensure there is no sludge-like goop diluting American resolve.
Conservatives standing athwart the tide of history shouting,
‘halt” were what swept the Brezhnev Doctrine — “communism is
inevitable and irreversible” — into its proper place, the dustbin
of history. We must do the same for Islamic fascism. Terrorism lost
a pal when Saddam was dragged out of his hole, but Saddam’s was a
secular regime. Until we end the reign of a radical Islamic regime
(pick one) we won’t prove to the Islamic fascists what Lech Walesa
and Poland proved to the communists. I reject the idea that we
cannot do it. We will, because we must.
I remain steadfast in rejecting the idea that we have to be more
patient, tolerant, and caring. Our nation is rich in those
qualities, and we need no false reinforcement of them. We are
patient with those people and nations deserving of it. We also
reject the idea that we need to keep our allies, warts and all. An
ally is not a relative. There is nothing that binds them
permanently to us, or we to them. To those who may have French
relatives, my only advice is to seek a divorce. Which may be the
remedy for the UN as well.
I reject the idea that the UN can be reformed. Are you sick and
tired of the sanctimonious lectures we get every day from the
ambassadors of Banana del Sur and Jihad al Arabiy? No more so than
I. We should buy back the UN building and tell them to get the hell
out of New Yawk. I can’t tell you how distressed I am about the
hardship this will impose on our little diplo-buddies. Think about
their dilemma: where would you rather take your pals for an expense
account dinner: Delmonico’s or Mama Jihad’s Falafel Stand? After a
year or two in Ouagadougou or whatever rat hole would take them,
maybe the UN delegates would be more understanding of why they
enjoy freedom and prosperity here and not at home.
It’s time to reject all of the vapor-headed critics. Not just
critics of the left, but also those of the right as well who only
criticize and offer no better ideas. I propose a rule of punditry
and politics and invite the world to enforce it: If you don’t have
a better idea than the one you’re dumping on, please shut up and
not waste the valuable time of voters, readers and listeners.
Politicians have always gotten away with this, and I reject the
idea that we should allow it, particularly in presidential
candidates. Especially those from Vermont.
The Dems — facing only each other and the media (I know, I
know, but allow me this one redundancy) — are getting away with
rhetorical murder. Howlin’ Howie’s speeches promise — I kid thee
not - to improve our military. Our military isn’t by any means
perfect, so just what does he plan to change? The guy who doesn’t
know that the pointy end of the ship goes forward, or that JSTARS
isn’t a Christmas tree decoration, ain’t telling, and nobody’s
bothering to ask. We need to demand — persistently — answers from
every candidate to very hard questions. How about this for
starters? All you Dems say we’re fighting terrorism the wrong way.
Okay, how would you do it? And don’t just tell me that you’d
deliver the problem to Kofi and the Kupkakes. In the words of Sean
Connery’s character in The Untouchables, just what are you
prepared to do?
What I am prepared to do is reject the nonsensical ideas,
accusations and polls that will flood our eyes and ears in 2004.
This election will be a new low in American politics, and even with
Howlin’ Howie as the opposition, winning is no certainty. I reject
many things, but what I accept most proudly is the duty and
responsibility of being an American. Included in that is the
responsibility to be as well-informed as I can make myself. You can
do no less. I will speak my mind — and write it — as often and as
well as God enables me. Happy Rejectionists’ New Year.
