9.26.03 @ 6:16PM
Making up for last week's power outage.
Making up for last week's power outage, many a manic worm has
slimed his way to the head of this week's enemy class. Immediately
we must recognize the Congressional Eight -- Reps. Bishop, Meek,
Strickland, Cannon, Paul, Terry, Flake and Ryan -- who voted
against your right to enjoy a quiet dinner in front of the TV
without being disturbed by a phone call from an ocean-front selling
salesman in Arizona. Is it too late to filibuster the Senate
confirmation of the federal judges who've been bought by the
telemarketer cabal? Lee R. West and Edward R. Nottingham weren't
household names before this -- now they're synonymous with Ammonium
and Pine-Sol under Enemy Central's sink. Notice the judges didn't
list their home numbers in their rulings. Guess they didn't want to
receive 50 million phone calls during their next candle-lit
supper.
Remember Howard Dean? He was the Dems' Howie Doodie until Wesley
Clark was whistled in. Now he's fighting for what passes as his
political life. He's pulling out all stops, including an effort to
preempt this authoritative column. Yesterday, in a last gasp, he
announced at a memorable debate, "We need to remember that the
enemy here is George Bush, not each other," whereupon all the
Democrats assembled began searching the room for signs of George
Bush. Too late they learned that Dean had lied again. Bush wasn't
there. Clark was relieved. No one could pin the lie on him. But
Dean stood by his statement. Bush, not Saddam, is the enemy. Which
is how all non-Dems have understood the Dems' priorities for some
time.
Here it is Friday again, and a good chance that Uncle Teddy will
again see it as another opportunity to celebrate Good Friday early.
A week ago today he dropped the pants from his mouth and
binge-slapped his good friend President George as a pursuer of
fraud, bribery, and other old Kennedy political standbys. By all
accounts, it was an alarming performance, leading observers to
wonder whether the declining Kennedy is experiencing residual guilt
from his Chappaquiddick night or even from what he and his brothers
did to sweet Hubert Humphrey in West Virginia forty-three years
ago. Given the many dollars that have flown from the Kennedy family
in settlements, it's understandable testy Ted would have no grasp
on outlays that do not connote bribes or hush money. But still.
The Teddy K. of California politics, Ms. Arianna née
Stassinopoulos alias Huffington, not an illegal alien, alas,
couldn't keep her mouth zipped either. Substituting for her alter
ego, Mr. Gary Coleman, in what passed for a gubernatorial election
debate, Ms. A. proceeded to annoy the daylights out of every
sentient watcher while in the process bringing the great white hope
Mr. Arnie S. down to his knees like a Superman felled by
kryptonite. On second thought, that was a good position for the
deviant Republican to find himself in, given all confessing he
should be doing. If ever the former Mr. Universe is fortunate to
meet up with the Lord of the Universe, he'll have a lot of
explaining to do, starting with why vanity, empty ego, and steroids
on the brain have kept him from stepping aside in favor of a
serious Republican like Tom McClintock.
Bill Simon should be ashamed of himself, rushing like a
starstruck groupie to endorse Arnold in the hope of having his
picture taken with him. What kind of role has Arnold promised Simon
in Terminator 4? Cleaning up what's left of Arianna?
California Republicans, at least those insisting McClintock step
aside because as a genuine candidate he's making it harder to
pretend that Arnie has substance, are living a death wish. Is it
too late for the dolts to reconsider? It doesn't require a genius
to figure out that the recall is one election a true conservative
could win -- he doesn't need 50 percent, but somewhere between 25
and 30. There aren't that many conservatives left in California?
Evidently, someone has sold them on the notion that conservatives
can't even win when the odds are stacked in their favor.
And what's all this we've been hearing about Cruz Bustamante as
a super Latino? He's a California native with a lovely radio
speaking voice that could easily be mistaken for Rush Limbaugh's or
Michael Reagan's. A Sacramento Bee columnist got in
trouble for suggesting Bustamante would have been a political bust
had his name been Charles Bustmont, though anyone one who's seen
Cruz in action might conclude the opposite. If not for the liberal
identity politics that have limited him to an ethnic role, Cruz
Bustamante would have moved to Hollywood, changed his name to
Charles Bustmont, and, after a bit of weight training, run the
Terminator cartoon character out of town. Too mellow for his own
good, Cruz Bustamante is this week's EOW. Hard to be nice to
someone who could have been a contender.
topics:
Hollywood, NATO
