9.12.03 @ 5:58PM
The Democratics are losing their voice.
It's not our place to take sides, but we must state for the
record that Howard Dean cost himself and his white-skinned backers
any chance of winning the presidency the other night. He was asked
to name his favorite song, and he replied by naming a ditty
apparently lifted from James Joyce's Finnegans Wake. Ooooo
-- so elitist. Why couldn't he have done the human male thing and
said, "Anything by Alison Krauss"? But then they don't call him
Howie for nothing.
We were watching the recent Dem Debate on the obligatory Spanish
station, so it's possible we misheard what the other participants
named as their favorite tunes. Per usual, Frenchy Kerry couldn't
quite decide, but he started off by listing Edith Piaf's "La Vien
Rose," primarily because it reminds him of his Vienna roots. Then
he added he's a sucker for anything by Jacques Brel, who once was
alive and well and living in Paris, which Jean-François
Kerry always imagined he was too. Quel dommage. Dick
Gephardt stuck to script, as he declared the heavy metal rap blues
group Miserable Failures to be his all-time faves. Sen. John
Edwards, reinforcing his addiction to the almighty greenback, let
on he couldn't resist a guy named Johnny Cash. Naturally, the Breck
girl in him years ago found comfort in "A Boy Named Sue." Ever
since his debate with Dick Cheney, Joe Lieberman has been humming,
"If I Were a Rich Man."
The bleep goes on. Dominatrix Hillary Clintonesque commemorated
the second anniversary of 9/11 by reiterating charges that the Bush
administration has gone soft on polluted air in the vicinity of
Ground Zero. Ms. Hillary, who's been known to speak without
surgical mask at the site, should count her blessings.
From Chicago, our agent John Hughes revives old charges against
Teddy Bear Skin Kennedy. As the most powerful senator since the
decline of Rome, big Ted felt called upon to light into deputy
defense secretary Paul Wolfowitz regarding postwar Iraq. "What was
the planning? And how do you possibly explain the inadequacy of
that planning, and who's going to pay the price of the inadequacy
of that planning? Let the word go forth from this day forward and
all that...." Thereupon, brother Ted rolled out the plans his older
brother had put together in preparing for the Bay of Pigs and
limited war in Vietnam. And who can ever forget the big plans Teddy
had one Chappaquiddick night?
In the Democratic understanding, President Bush remains an
outlaw as huntable as right-wing evangelists Osama bin Laden and
Saddam Hussein. Negotiations are out of the question. Thus, your
typical self-respecting Demo would have preferred if the prez had
spent 9/11/03 as they typically describe him spending 9/11/01: "on
Air Force One ... hop[ping] across the country with fighter
escorts, in search of safety." (Thank you, Dana Milbank.) Fear and
loathing of the man have given way to a new irrationality. The
current line is that Bush has abandoned the fight against terrorism
by getting stuck in Iraq ... where he finds himself having to fight
terrorists.
Difficulty abroad is no substitute for absolute control at home.
For all the Demo-libs' fireworks, the fact of the matter is that
the party of the left is over. Just how over was driven home by
good friends Kenneth Starr and Theodore Olson, charter members,
indeed founders, of the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy. This week the
two argued the constitutionality of McCain-Feingold before the
Supreme Court -- on opposite sides. The VRWC has cornered the
market.
That's not a consoling thought for the height-challenged
Democratic Nine. What are they doing chasing after a prize they're
not even eligible to win? Seriously. Look at the aforementioned
Johnny Sue Edwards. He thinks he can win the presidency even though
he's given up trying to win re-election in his own state? And he's
someone regarded as belonging in the "top tier" of the Democratic
shorties.
Now comes word that someone named Wes Clark wants in. His major
claim to fame is that he's the only general in world history ever
fired by an epauletted Bill Clinton. He wants to campaign in an
Apache gunship, since his campaign never got to use helicopters of
that name in Kosovo. Perhaps he'll be better off working for the
French or the U.N. in Iraq.
Which still leaves the Dems with only the dwarves. Or maybe
Hillary, if the EPA declares her breath free of toxicity. Or
someone like Joe Biden, though maybe he shouldn't have been so nice
about the president's $87 billion speech last Sunday. Woe to the
Dem who forgets whose side he's on. It's disarray like this which
leaves the grand old jackass party leaderless. Which is why Al Gore
is our surprise EOW. Anything to kick-start his comeback.
Either that, or Republicans will end up leading the Democratic
ticket. Why not Starr-Olson?
topics:
Joe Biden, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Constitution, Law, Supreme Court, Iraq, NATO
