The American Spectator

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Media Matters

(Page 2 of 3)

Garofalo: Wow. Look at all those serious faces.

Producer: It's just that we have a sort of rule here that the moderators stick to the issues and don't bring up any side projects or anything like that. And we're not just singling you out. We've had a hell of a time keeping Carville from mentioning his long distance phone service or bamboo steamer or whatever he's pitchman for these days.

Garofalo: Okay. Got it. Sorry about that.

Carlson: Really, you're doing fine. You know, we haven't even gone to air yet and you've still had more good moments than Connie Chung did in her whole run.

Producer: Tucker.

Garofalo: Meow!

Carlson: Remind me to put a quarter in the Chung jar for mentioning the forbidden name. Ha ha. I'll just pick it up from where we left off. Political Alert, okay, here we go. A hearing is under way to delay the California recall election until next year as the ACLU is arguing that the average California voter is too stupid to use voter punch cards.

Garofalo: We're talking about another right-wing conspiracy here as the voters of California have been duped by this circus recall election which was financed by conservatives. Thanks, conservative conspiracy people, thank you for ruining democracy. They claim it's all about democracy but there's another agenda at work. It's like when I was up for the girlfriend in Jerry Maguire and I literally starved myself trying to get thin enough to do that role which ended up going to Renee Zellweger. And now I know for a fact that they had her in mind for the part all along.

Carlson: You know, I think this might be a good time to take a break. I need to run out and make a phone call.

Producer: What phone call?

Carlson: To, uh, my doctor. I need to schedule an appointment.

Producer: Your doctor's name wouldn't be Fox would it? Dr. Fox? Over on News Boulevard and Fair and Balanced Avenue?

Carlson: No comment.

Producer: Now, Janeane...

Garofalo: I am not still bitter about that Jerry Maguire thing! And I know I broke your stupid rule but it was in order to make a good point.

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Mainstream Media, Television, Environment, Hollywood, Iraq, Oil