7.11.03 @ 5:10PM
Not too many to go around.
Our president is a humanitarian, an Albert Schweitzer for the
21st century. So what thanks does he receive back home for his
latest mission of mercy? He is sentenced in absentia to ignominy
and impeachment for one sentence he read outloud last January as a
favor to our British friends. Clearly our President Schweitzer did
not anticipate that in his absence mass hysteria would break out on
our shores. Rush home he must, to minister to heels who otherwise
will not heal.
Speaking in single sentences himself, Washington Post
columbinist E.J. Dionne
suffers through another bout of Florida Fever. Or maybe he
shouldn't have gone to see A Mighty Wind. He begins:
"While President Bush tours Africa, the winds of change are blowing
at home." Then he says this, even though the CIA never signed off
on it: "They [i.e. these mighty winds of change] threaten his
overwhelming political advantage on foreign policy and national
security." Eventually he concludes: "Democrats by the day are
becoming less afraid of foreign policy." But then the night falls
and they're afraid again. So at least by day it's safe to be
afraid, very much afraid.
A week ago, our nation celebrated Independence Day,
commemorating its escape from the clutches of a foreign dynasty.
Today we redouble our celebrations to mark our freedom from the
claims of the House of Cuomo-Kennedy. It's no doubt the most
stunning dynastic collapse since the dissolution of Rodham-Boxer,
who had been hoping to land all the parking valet slots in a
Hillary regency.
Everybody always knew Andy Cuomo was a devil, but did anyone
expect him to be the one to turn the spotlight on his own horns? As
for sweet Kerry Kennedy, she sure seems the genuine article next to
John F. Kerry Kennedy, a gawky French pretender to the presidential
throne. Tragically for the former Princess Cuomo, her illicit
polo-playing Prince Valiant escaped to Argentina, lest he be gored
by raging bull Andy.
That's when Dr. Howie Dean rode in, hoping to bridge this
geographic divide. Under Bush, he announced, the U.S. has become
like Argentina. He didn't elaborate, but we will. Evita is Spanish
for Hillary. It takes two to tango. Plus America and Argentina have
a lot else in common. They each begin and end with the letter "a."
But so does Africa, something Dean never anticipated. Ever
underestimated, Bush wins again. Better luck next time, Dr. Dean,
if there is a next time, this side of the Pampas.
In miserable news, college dropout Peter Jennings
became a U.S. citizen last month. Has anyone alerted the
attorney general? It's worth noting that Mr. Jennings will retain
his Canadian citizenship, and presumably his West Bank, Gaza Strip,
and Lebano-Syrian affiliations.
We're certain Mr. J. is mighty upset with the discovery of the
latest diary entries from the late Harry S Truman. Coverage so far
has been remarkably subdued, particularly of the
section in which the former president dictated pointers to
Richard Nixon and the Rev. Billy Graham. As we know, a president of
Mr. Truman's party can claim executive privilege for all eternity,
if necessary. Apparently this is one of those cases when necessity
takes the upper hand. As one of our distraught agents notes, "Can
you imagine if anyone but a Democrat had written these
words? It would have made the mob scene in Young
Frankenstein look like a Zen retreat." We can imagine.
Probably something like an evening with Michael Savage on MSNBC.
Was MSNBC wise to fire Savage for wishing a homosexual caller death
from AIDS? The only thing wiser would have been if MSNBC had fired
itself for hiring him in the first place. Plus there's the cruelty
involved in giving hope to Phil Donahue that he might have a slot
to return to. All in all, it's not been a good week for big
talkers. Ann Coulter has caused embarrassment by resurrecting
Tailgunner Joe McCarthy, but without insisting that he join AA
first. Maybe she meant it as a joke on liberals, but it's turned
into a bigger joke on her. Finally, there's new Cub manager Dusty
Baker and his efforts to correlate skin color with performance
under the hot summer sun. So how does he explain his success as a
manager in the chill conditions of fogged-in San Francisco?
Talk is cheap, making the inability to talk on costly indeed.
Michael Savage is history, but his place is secured by this Enemy
of the Week prize, the first this fiscal year. If it's any
consolation, maybe the libs will now be cured of their notion that
there is such a creature as a noble Savage.
topics:
Foreign Policy, Africa
