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Another Perspective

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"Hello. I am 23, female, white. My husband is 39. We are serious about Plural Marriage, and all the Eternal Principles that surround it. I was born and raised Amish and we live many of their standards. My husband is very dependable and a true family man. We would like a sisterwife."

"Hi! I am bubbly, optimistic and outgoing. I am 5' 8" and have my parts in all the right places. I am Christian and firmly believe that a man should be the head of his family in all things and want to live my life that way in a plural marriage. I am heterosexual only, and am NOT looking for a sexual relationship with a sisterwife."

"Married white couple seeks woman to join our family. We're 26 years old, married eight years with two young children. Looking for a special life partner to enjoy God's blessings together."

"I have STRONG family values, and morals. I have been raising my son and daughter alone. I would love to have a family for them. I believe in love. I want to be loved and I want to love in return. We are looking for a family, someone who can accept us for us:) Someone who is honest, loving, and caring. Someone who loves children. Someone who has time for us."

Mostly an optimistic, wholesome, a bit lonely, loving bunch of folks by all appearances. There are other ads that are merely thinly disguised calls for long-term swinging partners. And a few from insufferably self-righteous domineering men of overbearing religious views. But mostly normal folks.

NOT THAT ALL IS PEACHES and cream within the community. Those domineering men, the David Koresh wannabes, are the pox of middle-America polygyny. I came across several sites (Lovenotforce.com is one) dedicated to eliminating the bullying husband who preys on weaker, confused women and abuses his wives. (Practices monogamists and homosexuals never partake in, of course.)

Other sites offer handy advice for husbands who want a second wife but need to convince the present wife. Apparently the old line, "God revealed to me that I need a second wife and as my Christian wife you must obey me," no longer cuts the mustard. The wife must understand why a second wife (or sisterwife in polygyny parlance) is the right option, or it's a no-go.

It should be no surprise that there is a professional anti-polygamy group, though it is surprising that it is comprised of what appear to be Mormon women feminist professionals (still legal in all 50 states). Tapestry Against Polygamy (TAP) argues that polygyny is a vehicle for oppressing and abusing women, and that it is unhealthy for children. TAP makes the wild claim that there are over 300,000 people in polygynous relationships. It hobnobs with Utah government officials to enact legislation and extract sums of money.

Call me a cynical conservative, but my brow furrows in suspicion when I hear the clarion call of "We only want to help women and save children! Just give us more money and power."

When the polygamists see same-sex marriage legalized and hire their own lawyers to sue for the same rights, you'll see TAP and sundry feminist and leftist children's rights groups congregating like sharks. They're inherently opposed to polygamy because of its connection to traditional family values, the Bible and God.

Unless it's homosexual polygamy, of course. Having three homosexual dads will be a "spatial and transcendent dimension" of childhood, whereas having a straight dad and two heterosexual moms is a sick, twisted perversion found only in the Bible.

Call me a cynical conservative yet again, but surely homosexual marriage will be legalized in this country. Legalized polygamy will naturally follow. For if you give a mouse a cookie, he'll want a glass of milk. And if you give a mouse a glass of milk, he'll want a plate, and if you give a mouse a plate . . .

What isn't known is how the mighty LDS church will respond. It accepted God's revelation to its President in 1890 to follow the law of the land and comply in forbidding polygamy. Will it do the same when the law of the land reverses itself in, say, 2009? Will Orrin Hatch arrive at his Supreme Court nomination hearings with three wives, only to be grilled by Senator Barney Frank with questions his husband helped him prepare?

Thanks to our Supreme Court, the future may not be conservative, but it won't be dull.

topics:
Law, Supreme Court, Founding Fathers, Israel, NATO