America's civilian emperor is lucky in his enemies.
p>
For someone not known as an ideas man, our princely emperor of a president has managed to spark the debate of debates. Its proposition was best captured by the Roman senator from West Virginius, Robertus Byrdogus, who took his campaign from the floor of the Senate to an op-ed forum in the
Houston Chronicle
, a leading tribunal in the princely emperor’s home province. The gravamen of the ancient senator’s complaint: President Bush displayed unseemly "flamboyant showmanship ... aboard the USS
Abraham Lincoln
" -- so unlike "the reported simple dignity of President Lincoln at Gettysburg."
p>Aging fast, Byrd observed: "I do question the motives of a desk-bound president who assumes the garb of a warrior for the purposes of a speech." Let’s go the videotape, a fact-checking device not available at the time of the reported Gettysburg address. It depicts the American emperor in full regalia addressing the crew of the
Lincoln
/I> and the nation. On closer inspection his parade uniform turns out to be a plain business suit. His chest appears to be bursting in warrior pride, but only because he’s been forced to don a bullet-proof vest. What’s more, to appease Democrats (it being May Day), he’s wearing a Soviet red tie.
p>Senatorus Byrd owes our emperor an apology, or face exile to Thracia, beyond the reach of most federal jobs programs.
p>Mr. Paul Krugman, the famed
I
New York Times
/I>man, though younger than Byrdogus, is no less optically challenged, probably because a sworded GOP centurion gouged out his eyes at the 1968 Democratic convention in Chicago. He too is disturbed by the image of Bush on the
Lincoln
