There is a certain lawyer in town whose specialty is losing
cases. He has fancy suits made that go west when his body goes east
so that when he dresses up he seems to be standing perfectly
straight up and down. This lawyer looks terrific but his specialty
is not the law, it is shirts and ties. When it comes to the law
it’s not his business. He loses every case but still people want
him to go to court for them. Go explain!
France is a lot like the lawyer with the corkscrew body. They
may have an army and navy, but their business is not fighting — it
is giving up.
An Italian, if he meets you in a dark alley, person to person,
will kill you even before you can commit suicide — especially if
you are fooling around with his wife. But put Italians together in
an army and they are not so hot. Confronted by an enemy army,
rather than fight, they sit down, have a little vino, some pasta,
take out an accordion, sing a few songs and then give up.
France is the only country that ever lost two wars to Italians.
The French have gotten the surrender business down to a science. To
save time, they figured out a way to surrender even before a shot
is fired. Nobody ever aimed even a bow and arrow at Paris but the
Germans looked like they were going to do it and the French
immediately gave up the city. The last French general who won any
wars was Napoleon, but he was not a Frenchman, he was a Corsican.
The first Muslims to ever defeat a western army since the Crusades
were the Algerians, who kicked the French out of their country. The
only war France ever won was the French Revolution and that’s
because they were fighting against themselves.
In the Second World War, when the Americans liberated Paris it
was a culture shock to French women finally to be sleeping with men
who didn’t call them “Fraulein.” We all remember that the French
shaved the hair off women who had slept with the German occupiers,
but they had to stop the hair cuts since the country was about to
go into the history books as being the only nation of bald-headed
women.
France’s history of anti-Semitism going back to the Dreyfus
Affair is almost as long as their history of giving up. The present
president of France’s buddy who was the Ambassador to England, at a
London dinner party at a publisher’s home, complained nobody should
go to war “over a s—-y little country like Israel.” He proved, by
this statement, that he was not only a bigot, but also stupid,
since his host, Conrad Black, is a publisher, and one of the
newspapers he publishes is the Jerusalem Post. The fact
that Black’s wife, who happens to be Jewish, heard of the remarks
did not help matters. During the Nazi occupation, the French
themselves rounded up Jews and turned them over to the Nazis. The
French even scuttled their own fleet, rather than turn it over to
the Americans so that they could not use it against the
Germans.
The French were originally against having U.N. inspectors in
Iraq in the first place, but when inspectors were appointed, they
undoubtedly found comfort in the fact that the two leading
inspectors’ first names were Hans and Mohamed.
With or without the French, America will quickly conquer Iraq.
The French are undoubtedly concerned that when the fighting is
over, and all the missiles and all the other weapons that the
Iraqis said do not exist show up, they probably will have “Made in
France” stamped all over them.
Americans should boycott French products. The fact is, because
of French cowardice the lives of American soldiers are now at
greater risk. There are many items that we as Americans could do
without because of their French origin. The reason the French
invented perfume was that they stink, but other countries also make
colognes. We all ought to walk by the counters selling Christian
Dior, Chanel and Cartier. We should not take Club Med vacations nor
go anywhere on Air France.
We have been indoctrinated into believing that anything with a
French name has some special mystique. If you take the same garment
and instead of the label saying Christian Dior, it says Hymie
Lipschutz, nobody would buy it. In fact, they would probably cut
off the label. Evian water is basically only as good as tap water.
If you put bubbles in it, you would have seltzer, but nobody would
drink it with that name. If it were called “Seltzier,” seltzer
would become a major hit.
We were in Paris and saw all those Parasites. Americans who have
been there remark on their rudeness, the fact they never miss an
opportunity to overcharge and are insulting. But look, you can stay
home and get the same treatment from your wife. You will save the
air fare and be patriotic, all at the same time.
