2.19.03 @ 12:02AM
President Chirac's surprise visit to New Jersey plays into Secretary Rumsfeld's hands.
French President Jacques Chirac late today offered another
outburst meant to keep the rabble in line, but this time the
admonition was on a smaller, more intimate scale. Fresh on the
heels of advising Eastern European nations to pipe down on the
subject of Iraq or risk forfeiting European Union membership,
Chirac put in a surprise appearance in Nutley, New Jersey, before
those arriving for a French cooking class held at Central New
Jersey Community College.
Launching a pre-emptive strike on those who might hold certain
unapproved views on, say, brie-infused puff pastry or Salade
Niçoise, the French leader strode to the front of room 207
and warned that such "childish" and "dangerous" notions might very
well get some people thrown out of class or at least marked down a
full letter grade. For their part the students, who were
preoccupied with hanging up their coats and retrieving notebooks,
paid little attention to Chirac, who quickly sprang from the room
and made a beeline for the parking lot and his limousine at the
first sight of the class instructor.
In a further worrying sign, on his way to the airport, the
French President proceeded to gather up detritus from the floor of
the limo. Declaring the waste items to be "The Floor Trash Union,"
Chirac tut-tutted to an empty soda can that it couldn't afford to
miss "an opportunity to shut up" and avoid offending the tissue
box, the cigarette butt and the wadded-up ball of
grape-jelly-smeared plastic wrap.
As an American response, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld
publicly revised his earlier opinion of France as being "Old
Europe", saying he now considered the country to be what he called,
"Old and In The Way Europe."
"It's never an easy decision to put an entire country into a
'home' or, what do they call it these days, a residence for
assisted governing," Rumsfeld said. "However, France simply doesn't
have what it takes mentally to live on her own anymore. For the
past few months, I've been extremely worried every time she got
into the driver's seat. However, since the car was a Renault, it
usually wouldn't even start."
topics:
Books, Iraq, European Union
