We’ve got a little problème. A quaint little
village in Languedoc by the name of Dominique de Villipen is
passing itself off as the French foreign minister and exclaiming
“Non!” at the idea of war against the big Napoleon of Baghdad. We
look forward to next summer, when American professors return to
their cottages in the village to reattach the dissected nerves of
the locals.
One of our agents suggests President Bush should use his
upcoming State of the Union address to denounce not only the toady
French but also the Germans, at least those loyal to Prime Minister
Gerhard Schroeder, of which there may not be too many left, give or
take a few mistresses and future wives. Our agent has a name for
these wayward allies: the “Axis of Weasels.” PETA won’t like it,
nor might the White House, given that some speechwriter is bound to
take credit for the term and parlay it into an instant best-seller.
Perhaps the president should just settle for claiming these antsy
allies speak in the Accent of Weasels. The French are very
sensitive about incorrect accentiture, as they would say, and such
an accusation by an American president would torment them
greatly.
As we rush to judgment and to press, the AP is reporting that
Hansie Blix’s crew is prepared to give Saddam Hussein a “B” on his
next report card. Add another 20 points and that will be enough to
get Saddam into the University of Michigan. Before his academic
career is through we can imagine his rise to the ranks of America’s
leading professors of peace studies. With any luck he himself will
be leading delegations to the next anti-Iraq war protest on the
National Mall in Washington. He’ll want to scout the site for
himself, given how it’s only a matter of time before a Saddam Peace
Museum is built on the Mall, somewhere between the Lincoln Memorial
and the Washington Monument.
Of course, all this assumes Saddam’s career at Michigan will go
smoothly. Say he decides to attend U. Michigan’s fabled football
games. Won’t he be troubled by pre-kickoff flyoevers by U.S.
military jets, without which American football isn’t football?
Won’t he be offended by patriotic half-time shows starring the
Stars and Stripes? One solution might be to replace the American
flag at such events with U.N. flags. In fact, there’s no reason why
U.N. inspectors should work the games as referees, or why Hans Blix
shouldn’t become Michigan’s athletic director.
America was celebrating a pleasant Martin Luther King Day, but
then it was you know who’s turn to preach. “If we don’t take race
as part of our character, then we are kidding ourselves,” said
Hillary, who speaks from experience, having kidded herself about
married life for longer than civilized man cares to know.
Moving on with our lives, we always find it reassuring to get a
definitive ANSWER. Do Communists run antiwar (i.e. anti-American)
marches? Yes, yes, yes, or Da, Da, Da, as they would put it. The
Workers World Party Stalinoids told us so themselves. They set up
ANSWER to continue to great deeds first made possible by the
Comintern, and their crowning moment came last Saturday in
Washington and elsewhere. Now the likes of the New York
Times and the Un-Foxed evening news would rather keep you in
the dark about the pro-Saddam-Kim Jong Il-Fidel Castro-Hamas-Walter
Ulbricht et al. nature of the ANSWER cadres. But then again, when’s
the last time a Useful Idiot ever confessed to his idiocy?
On the other hand, a surprisingly smug Mickey Kausfiles says it’s great to use
odious lefties to do the heavy lifting in organizing antiwar
marches. They did so during the Vietnam era, and so what if their
successors are doing so again? If anything, it’s the mainstreamers
who are exploiting the organizers and not the other way around. So
is he saying these hard-core lefties are like the Amish, whom
mainstream Americans often hire to put up fences and barns for
them? Or like Native American tribesman often brought in to put out
forest fires? Or is he conceding that the children of white liberal
privilege are just too feckless to think and work for themselves?
Kausfiles does contend, “[I]f millions of Americans one day join
ANSWER’s demos, that won’t mean they’ve become Stalinist cadres. It
will mean the Iraq war has serious opposition.” Yeah, so serious it
has nothing to say for itself that didn’t first run under the
byline of Kim Il Sung, Ho Chi Minh, and Enver Hoxha.
It’s easy enough to declare ANSWER our EOW. But if there is such
a thing as social justice, the real Enemies this week are those who
have made it possible for ANSWER to shine.
