Poring over nearly three dozen clinical studies of family
rituals — stretching over a period of 50 years — a group of
psychologists has just published its findings, to wit: Family
rituals large and small contribute to children’s health, school
work, personal identity and overall family stability.
Syracuse University Professor Barbara Fiese, a psychologist who
led a team which cataloged events such as family holiday
celebrations, reunions, birthday parties, prayers, even “Sunday
dinner at Mom’s.” Most family rituals, according to Professor
Fiese, become permanent and positive memories for us. She said,
“Rituals involve symbolic communication and convey ‘This is who we
are.’ ….The individual may replay it in memory to recapture the
positive experience.” They also create a sense of continuity and a
sense of heritage, as in “This is how our family will continue to
be,” according to Professor Fiese.
The Fiese team released its study just as a very large number of
Americans are in the process of carrying out clusters of rituals
associated with Christmas. For children there are the trimming of
the tree, gazing at packages, putting out milk and cookies for
Santa and the nearly unbearable anticipation of Christmas morning
and the opening of presents. And, in countless churches on
Christmas Eve, there are also the children’s reenactments of the
birth of Christ. The symbolic message of the babe in the manager —
love — is not lost on the children.
For many, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day dinner are occasions
for family reunions that are repeated year after year. To this day
I think back fondly over many decades to Christmas Eves at the home
of an aunt and uncle, where four generations gathered. There was a
huge dinner, then a showing of movies — all comedies — which our
uncle had rented for the occasion. One year, when the eldest of the
cousins in our clan was married, he took a movie of the newlyweds
running to their car with all of us throwing rice. The next
Christmas Eve, Uncle Emil ran this film for all to see, then ran it
backwards — with the rice coming back into our hands — to the
hysterical delight of us young ones.
For adults there are other rituals: hearing a recital of
Handel’s “Messiah,” the soaring architecture of Bach’s “Christmas
Oratorio” or Berlioz’s sublime “L’Enfance du Christ.” Or it may be
attendance at a midnight church service, to contemplate the birth
of the son of God, sent to redeem us humans from the sins we have
committed and will commit.
While Jews do not recognize Christ as the Messiah and Muslims
respect him, but consider Muhammad as the ultimate prophet of God,
none dispute that Christ’s presence on earth resulted in profound
changes in the course of history. Whatever one’s religion, Christ’s
message remains universal: It is one of love and it embodies both
respect for others and self-respect. Giving gifts at Christmas time
is a symbol of love and respect. The size or expense of the gift is
secondary to the thought you have put into its selection, knowing
that it symbolizes these things.
“Peace on Earth; good will toward men” is a phrase that will be
repeated many times over the next three days. Alas, not every one
believes it, for there are some in this world who are evil
(al-Qaeda and Saddam Hussein come to mind), but if all people of
good will keep this in the forefront of their minds throughout the
year to come, collectively they will make the world a better
place.
