10.11.02 @ 5:35PM
Now the world becomes a more dangerous place.
Oh, oh, the world's in trouble now. Jimmy Carter is this year's
Nobel Peace Prize laureate, an award as mightily deserved as the
peace prize previously awarded to Yassir Arafat and Le Duc Tho.
Jimmy won it without ever having apologized for his Milosovician
side, as manifested in the Desert One aggression of 1980. He won it
despite having sulked for years for failing to share in the prize
meted out to Anwar Sadat and Menachem Begin. Could it be he won
because he's a willing and useful pawn in the international
anti-American movement, which equates an assertive U.S. with Attila
and Adolf?
Jimmy is the third U.S. president to be honored by Oslo. Teddy
Roosevelt won in 1906 for settling the Russo-Japanese War, and thus
setting the stage for the Bolshevik Revolution, the rape of
Manchuria, and Pearl Harbor. Woodrow Wilson won in 1919 for
settling World War I so punitively that he guaranteed the rise of
Adolf Hitler and the bloodiest conflict in human history. We await
with bated breath whatever it is that Jimmy Carter's recognized
labors will bring about in the years to come.
You know one unhappy result will a fourth past U.S. president's
redoubled efforts to win one of those peace medals for himself.
Bill Clinton thought he'd clinched a peace prize via his own Oslo
process, which instead turned the Middle East into a permanent war
zone. He's now set his eyes on Africa, a continent as big as his
palate, and one that guilty white Scandinavians are more than happy
to sentimentalize. If there is injustice in this year's prize, it's
that Carter won his ahead of Bill. Now we'll all pay for this
provocation.
Too late for this year's Nobel sweepstakes, Barbara Walters
interviewed Fidel Castro anyway. According to Media Research Center
intercepts, Barbara asked him for his two-cents on Iraq and praised
his people's high literacy. Then, hoping perhaps for some free
cosmetic treatment at a seaside spa, she looked him in the eye and
blushed: "You have brought great health to your country." (That's
more that G.W. Bush has done to ours, that's for sure.) Nonplused,
Fidel replied it's a matter of all the clean air his allows his
people to breathe. "Barbara, have you ever seen a demonstration in
Cuba that has been suppressed with tear gas?" he asked. It's enough
to make you cry.
Elsewhere in calypso country, the singer formerly known as Harry
Belafonte showered the affable Colin Powell with hate crimes in a
recent interview. Though daylight had come, Harry slipped on a
banana peel. He wanted to go home, but found Powell already master
of the house. Or something like that. It was, in all, a most
unpleasant episode, but entirely understandable if you bear in mind
Harry hasn't had a song in the top 40 for nearly fifty years, ever
since Mr. Tally-man moved on to become a Democratic vote counter.
Perhaps most upsetting to Harry is that President Bush has
converted Day-O into Day Zero, so far as Iraqi cousin Saddam
Belafonte is concerned.
Speaking of which, the Senate has passed an Iraq war resolution
by 77-23 in what can only be described as a tainted vote. In
certain cases Democrat state delegations couldn't get their act
together. Thus John Kerry voted yes, Teddy Kennedy no, as did the
divided Dianne Feinstein and Barbara Boxer, Robert Torricelli and
Jon Corzine, and Bill Nelson and Bob Graham. Even weirder, the
tweedledums of North Dakota, Kent Conrad and Byron Dorgan, split
their votes. So did the women from Washington state, Maria Cantwell
and Patty Murray, and the men from Wisconsin, Russ Feingold and
Herb Kohl. And for all the guff coming out of West Virginia's
Robert Byrd, how's it possible that ultra-liberal Jay Rockefeller
ended up voting yes? And isn't it enough to turn everyone into a
pacifist for all eternity when both Hillary Clinton and Chuck
Schumer vote yes on giving war a chance?
For principled political behavior, we rely on our networks and
their adamant anchors. The best of them, ABC's Peter Jennings,
showed his colors last Monday by pointedly not running President
Bush's major address on Iraq. Peter's inspiring leadership made it
easy for NBC and CBS to follow. In what can only be described as
civil disobedience modeled on the Mahatma Gandhi, the Washington
area's PBS affiliates also declined to broadcast the Bush speech.
If Bush were as bellicose as he's said to be, he'd nationalize
Public Broadcasting once and for all.
In this neo-McGovernik era, it's never easy to settle on a
single weekly winner. Jim-Jerk McDermott continues to sound off,
hoping to repeat as EOW. Bill Clinton hasn't really been recognized
enough for the job he did on his successor last week in Blackpool,
addressing the Labour Party rabble. Oddly, though, no one noticed
that Bill was the Monica in that setup. Tony Blair used him
shamelessly: While Bill seduced the troops Tony found much needed
political space for his pursuit of Saddam. Now we see the Carter
card being used against freedom's finest. Gunnar Berge, chairman of
the Nobel committee, gave the game away when he proudly announced
the purpose of the award was to kick President Bush in the shins.
If Carter had any class he'd reject the award on the spot. (That's
a record sized "if.")
As for Mr. Berge, we're happy to award this previous unknown
with our highest prize. We rushed into this decision even faster
than his committee rushed into its. And from what we can tell, his
people were moving at light speed.
topics:
Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Iraq, Africa