What’s your pleasure today? Foreign or domestic? Northwestern or
northeastern? Midwestern or Southern? Northern Iraq or southern New
Jersey?
We didn’t think it would happen so soon, that Florida would
recede into the nostalgic past. But when it’s Democrats your
dealing with, everything is possible. Which is not to say we’re not
tremendously dismayed by the Third World thuggery that has replaced
rule of law in lovely Trenton, N.J. True, we knew Robert Torricelli
needed to be removed in favor of less desperately corrupt. But did
his successor have to be a retiree who, as his name suggests, can
only claim that he is not a lout? Particularly since New Jersey
already had a well-tested public official in the wings previously
appointed by Gov. McGreevey to a prestigious post. Unlike the
tight-lipped Lautenberg, this public figure knows how to proclaim
from the rooftops, is battle-tested, and has never avoided from the
most controversial public issues of our day. What’s more, he
doesn’t allow himself to be bullied, and doesn’t even require phone
calls from Bill Clinton to buck him up. So, Gov. McGreevey and all
you Jersey mafiasullis, why didn’t you choose Amiri Baraka to be
your new senator?
Before there was rap, Baraka put the hip in hop. Besides, his
now immortal screed, “Somebody Blew Up America,” is the most
faithful reflection of Democratic thinking ever put to rhetorical
music. Here are some stanzas, selected and composed at random (and
living proof that Al Gore isn’t the only Demo who tells it like it
is):
Somebody Blew Up America
They say it’s some terrorist,
some barbaric
A Rab,
in Afghanistan
It wasn’t our American terrorists
It wasn’t the Klan or the Skin heads
Or the them that blows up nigger
Churches, or reincarnates us on Death Row
It wasn’t Trent Lott
Or David Duke or Giuliani
Or Schundler, Helms retiring
It wasn’t
The gonorrhea in costume
The white sheet diseases
That have murdered black people
Terrorized reason and sanity
Most of humanity, as they pleases.
Another choice Republican pops up later:
Who made Bush president
Who believe the confederate flag need to be flying
Who talk about democracy and be lying
Who the Beast in Revelations
Who 666
Who know who decide
Jesus get crucified
Baraka’s target here is just as unmistakable:
Who the biggest executioner
Who? Who? Who?
Who own the oil
Who want more oil
He offers a staunch defense of the Democrats’ most sacred
programs:
Who decided Affirmative Action had to go
Reconstruction, The New Deal,
The New Frontier, The Great Society
He’s a staunch multilateralist:
Who walked out of the Conference
Against Racism
He recalls the crimes of Reagan, Nixon, Kissinger et al.:
Who invaded Grenada
Who made money from apartheid
Who keep the Irish a colony
Who overthrow Chile and Nicaragua later
“Who? Who? Who?” as Baraka likes to say, “Who and Who and WHO
who who/ Whoooo and Whooooooooooooooooooooo!” So is this the same
fellow who composed “Who Let the Dogs Out?” Or is he attempting a
bad imitation of Tom Wolfe?
If his luck holds, Ms. Barbra Streisand will soon be quoting him
and insisting he’s the genuine article, unlike the ever unreliable
Shakespeare, whom she cited in good faith last Sunday only to learn
later that he’d misled her. Last time he gets any work in
Hollywood.
Adding to Babs’ confusions was that her finding out that the
streaks in her hair have a future after all. Turns out the bards at
the World Health Organization did not in fact author a report
claiming blondes will disappear from the face of the earth in a few
centuries. Congratulations nonetheless go out to the courageous
likes of Charlie Gibson of “Good Morning America,” not to mention a
few newspeople at CBS’s morning show and at CNN, all of whom fell
for the hoax as if they’d been handed a brief from the ACLU or the
Sierra Club.
Given new life, the blonde community quickly produced someone to
participate in a new round of denunciations of America’s princely
president. Whereas in the past a winsome performer might have sung
“I Hate Men,” Ms. Jessica Lange opted to chirp, “I hate Bush.”
Then, for good measure, she added: “I despise him and his entire
administration.” She also noted she’s ashamed to be an American and
she thanked her hosts in Madrid for allowing her “a few days” of
respite from the U.S., where the “atmosphere … is poisonous,
intolerable for those of us who are not right-wing.” (Our thanks go
out to the real CIA, the Media Research Center, for sharing these
intercepts
with the right-wing intelligence community.)
Many beautiful people find they need to get away from Amerika
every chance they get. Some years ago, an Enemy Central operative
did a radio show hosted by PBS mainstay Ms. Bonnie Erbe, who during
a break explained she couldn’t stand being in the U.S. and needed
to get away for some R&R as often as possible. So where had she
gone on her latest getaway vacation? To Syria, during the glory of
the late friend of butchery, Hafez al-Assad. In retrospect, it’s
clear she was merely paving the way for the Congressional Three
Stooges’ visit to the Butcher of Baghdad, where as the whole world
knows, they proceeded to denounce Mr. Bush as a much greater menace
than their kindly host.
In some circles, this treasonous trio is being hailed as the
most useful collection of useful idiots to America’s cause since
the last time Mikhail Gorbachev perestroika’d alone.
In Friday’s Washington Post, Mike Thompson, the least
well known of the trio,
insists he had none of the other two’s treasonous intentions.
He represents very northern Northern California, where the concern
is that war is not healthy for redwoods, sequoias and the little
living things that live in them. Interestingly, though, he now
claims that as a Vietnam vet who was jeered by anti-war creeps on
his return from combat he’s now being treated in like fashion by
conservatives who call him a traitor. So in his view, the
conservative propaganda machine is comparable to Saddam’s. And
saying that isn’t treasonous? From Rush Limbaugh on down, every
conservative in the land knows our propaganda machine has no
rivals.
Then there’s David Bonior, about whom the less said the better.
At last report he was hosting a fundraiser in Mecca.
Which leaves us with the people’s choice for Enemy of the Week,
Rep. James McDermott, or “Jihad Jim,” as one of our agents called
him. It would take an Amiri Baraka to compile all that McDermott
can now be charged with. So let us limit ourselves to a few choice
moments from his recent rise to celebrity. One concerns his claims
to status as a Vietnam-era veteran, service that never saw him
leave a Long Beach, California psychiatric ward. Yet on “This Week”
he claimed, regarding Vietnam, that “both David and I were in that
war.” Later on the PBS’s “NewsHour with Jim Lehrer,” he added: “I
am somebody who served in Vietnam, in the Vietnam era.” So in other
words, he lied to us. And if he lied to us, how can we be sure he
didn’t also lie to Saddam. Lying is how wars get started.
On top of everything else, Jihad Jim insists anyone who
disagrees with him is “stupid.” He said so twice on the “NewsHour,”
the first time in living memory anyone has ever dared to use that
word on that distinguished show. One senses in that usage an effort
to hide behind the Supreme Court’s recent ruling requiring clemency
for anyone below a certain I.Q. Some traitors will try anything to
escape EOW immortality.
