The American Spectator

“Who? Who? Who?” as Baraka likes to say, “Who and Who and WHO who who/ Whoooo and Whooooooooooooooooooooo!” So is this the same fellow who composed “Who Let the Dogs Out?” Or is he attempting a bad imitation of Tom Wolfe?

If his luck holds, Ms. Barbra Streisand will soon be quoting him and insisting he’s the genuine article, unlike the ever unreliable Shakespeare, whom she cited in good faith last Sunday only to learn later that he’d misled her. Last time he gets any work in Hollywood.

Adding to Babs’ confusions was that her finding out that the streaks in her hair have a future after all. Turns out the bards at the World Health Organization did not in fact author a report claiming blondes will disappear from the face of the earth in a few centuries. Congratulations nonetheless go out to the courageous likes of Charlie Gibson of “Good Morning America,” not to mention a few newspeople at CBS’s morning show and at CNN, all of whom fell for the hoax as if they’d been handed a brief from the ACLU or the Sierra Club.

Given new life, the blonde community quickly produced someone to participate in a new round of denunciations of America’s princely president. Whereas in the past a winsome performer might have sung “I Hate Men,” Ms. Jessica Lange opted to chirp, “I hate Bush.” Then, for good measure, she added: “I despise him and his entire administration.” She also noted she’s ashamed to be an American and she thanked her hosts in Madrid for allowing her “a few days” of respite from the U.S., where the “atmosphere … is poisonous, intolerable for those of us who are not right-wing.” (Our thanks go out to the real CIA, the Media Research Center, for sharing these intercepts with the right-wing intelligence community.)

Many beautiful people find they need to get away from Amerika every chance they get. Some years ago, an Enemy Central operative did a radio show hosted by PBS mainstay Ms. Bonnie Erbe, who during a break explained she couldn’t stand being in the U.S. and needed to get away for some R&R as often as possible. So where had she gone on her latest getaway vacation? To Syria, during the glory of the late friend of butchery, Hafez al-Assad. In retrospect, it’s clear she was merely paving the way for the Congressional Three Stooges’ visit to the Butcher of Baghdad, where as the whole world knows, they proceeded to denounce Mr. Bush as a much greater menace than their kindly host.

In some circles, this treasonous trio is being hailed as the most useful collection of useful idiots to America’s cause since the last time Mikhail Gorbachev perestroika’d alone.

In Friday’s Washington Post, Mike Thompson, the least well known of the trio, insists he had none of the other two’s treasonous intentions. He represents very northern Northern California, where the concern is that war is not healthy for redwoods, sequoias and the little living things that live in them. Interestingly, though, he now claims that as a Vietnam vet who was jeered by anti-war creeps on his return from combat he’s now being treated in like fashion by conservatives who call him a traitor. So in his view, the conservative propaganda machine is comparable to Saddam’s. And saying that isn’t treasonous? From Rush Limbaugh on down, every conservative in the land knows our propaganda machine has no rivals.

Then there’s David Bonior, about whom the less said the better. At last report he was hosting a fundraiser in Mecca.

Which leaves us with the people’s choice for Enemy of the Week, Rep. James McDermott, or “Jihad Jim,” as one of our agents called him. It would take an Amiri Baraka to compile all that McDermott can now be charged with. So let us limit ourselves to a few choice moments from his recent rise to celebrity. One concerns his claims to status as a Vietnam-era veteran, service that never saw him leave a Long Beach, California psychiatric ward. Yet on “This Week” he claimed, regarding Vietnam, that “both David and I were in that war.” Later on the PBS’s “NewsHour with Jim Lehrer,” he added: “I am somebody who served in Vietnam, in the Vietnam era.” So in other words, he lied to us. And if he lied to us, how can we be sure he didn’t also lie to Saddam. Lying is how wars get started.

On top of everything else, Jihad Jim insists anyone who disagrees with him is “stupid.” He said so twice on the “NewsHour,” the first time in living memory anyone has ever dared to use that word on that distinguished show. One senses in that usage an effort to hide behind the Supreme Court’s recent ruling requiring clemency for anyone below a certain I.Q. Some traitors will try anything to escape EOW immortality.