You almost have to wonder if videotaped child-whacker Madelyne
Toogood had an agent before she got herself into trouble. Within
moments of her arrest, there she was on Larry King, weeping on cue.
By one count she was on three other shows the same day.
Not long ago, the idea that a child-pounder would get to plead
her case and seek sympathy on national television would have been
dismissed as a muscatel daydream. Or perhaps something worse — a
True Sign of national decline. Whatever the larger picture, there’s
no denying that nowadays hosts compete fiercely for the honor of
interviewing petty criminals, gutter slime, sleazeballs,
professional sluts, and other low-lifes whose rank cachet seems to
have a narcotic effect.
While striving to be non-judgmental, it is worth pointing out
that this phenomenon has not only grimed up television, but had a
negative effect on those accused of low-life activities. Not too
long ago, the accused hid when a camera drew near. The current
custom is to powder the nose and demand prime time.
It is in fact something of a surprise when a low-life newsmaker
does not show up on Larry’s show, or a show like his. Back over
pedestrians at a swank club, get some face time. Ditto for marrying
your horse, staying stoned for six years, or for simply gobbling
down wanker-enhancement pills. Profess yourself a cannibal and you
might get a full hour.
Larry: So tell me, what does a human taste
like?
Guest: Fish.
Larry: Well, there you have it folks. We taste
like fish. I guess that’s not surprising. We are believed to have
come from the sea. So it all makes sense. Closing thoughts?
Guest: Thanks for having me on!
Larry: And thank you for your unique insights.
Please come back.
That some people — make that, lots of people — will go before
millions of strangers and tell the most intimate details of their
lives is something that will never seem quite right to many of us.
This is the result of growing up in a time when restraint was
highly valued and widely practiced; when the desire to avoid shame
had a major effect on behavior. Shame has taken many whacks but it
kept the grime rate down. It also convinced many of us of such
notions as the innate dignity of man. We now know better. With the
slightest prompting, many humans gleefully become swine.
That is the deepest lesson television teaches us, and it is no
minor teaching. It would be nice, of course, if restraint could
regain some of its previous cachet. That is highly unlikely. We
seem doomed to ever-ghastlier excesses, with no end in sight.
Evolution isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be, which is
something else worth keeping in mind.
IT IS ALSO TRUE, HOWEVER, THAT you can learn truly interesting
things from these shows. Mrs. Toogood, for instance, is reported to
hail from a group called the Irish Travelers. It is safe to say
that many Americans had never heard of the Irish Travelers before
Mrs. Toogood went upside her child’s head. The name suggests a
musical ensemble, perhaps of the type encountered at Irish theme
bars singing “Whiskey in the Jar” in the finest of dinner theater
accents. We now know the Travelers go about much like gypsies,
doing odd jobs here and there and basically spending their lives on
the road. By one count, there are around 50,000 Irish Travelers in
the United States.
Richard Roeper, who writes for the Chicago Sun Times,
has reported that some Travelers are crooks and cons. In one
instance, “a brother-sister team of Irish Travelers created a
rape-and-robbery scenario in a Walt Disney World hotel.” Sis had
sex with one of her paramours, then checked into a Disney resort
and had her brother tape her to a bed and beat her with a stick.
She somehow freed herself and called the cops, complaining she had
been assaulted by a man wearing a Dracula costume. She thereafter
filed suit against Disney. They might have gotten away with it had
they accepted Disney’s offer to settle for $200,000. They wanted a
million, however, and kept things boiling. Eventually, new evidence
surfaced and they ended up in jail.
Travelers, Mr. Roeper further reports, have cheated some old
folks out of their hard earned cash; the victims tended to be
blind, deaf, or mentally disabled. We now learn that Johnny
Toogood, Madelyne’s husband, swindled some old folks in
Philadelphia and perhaps others in Montana, while two Virginia bail
bondsmen say he is wanted in the Old Dominion for forgery. Mr.
Toogood is said to have at least one other name: John Lark. One
cannot help but crack a wee smile, though only for a second, lest a
video camera be operating nearby.
All this is of course small potatoes. If a few swindles and
beatings are the worst that can be dredged up about a group with
50,000 members, then it is clear the Irish Travelers are a pretty
upstanding bunch. Indeed, it is safe to assume that a backlash will
soon develop against the anti-Traveler stereotype. Mrs. Toogood
will return to Larry’s show, play the victim role with perfection,
and perhaps inspire the host to one of his patented goofy
pronouncements:
Larry: Madelyne, is it true the Irish Travelers
are one of the Lost Tribes of Israel?
Who, truly, would be surprised?
