The American Spectator

Finally, you will become a hero to business. The first two proposals merely bring the rules up to date with technology. The short-form won’t require additional disclosures — just a “Cliff Notes” for investors. This package also focuses on the future, and it takes the heat off a lot of CEOs who are trying to do a good job but would prefer if everyone glossed over their past peccadilloes. The auditors will end up thanking you. Not only will these reports demonstrate that the audit firms are actually earning their millions, but they can probably run the meter a little more in the process of preparing them.

If I’m wrong, resort to Plan B: hop a flight to Phoenix, hang out at my condo, pretend you’re me at Ancala Country Club, and work on your golf. These are my ideas, so I’ll take your place in Washington. I’m thirteen years younger than you, but if this plan fails and I have to take the heat, the experience should age me in no time.

Yours truly,

Mike

P.S. If you don’t do any of this and you’re still on good terms with Chuck Schumer, ask him if he can make throwing fruit into a felony, for both our sakes.