The American Spectator

Detroit is wiping out Jewish Wives.

Giving their husbands directions while driving has always been the one inalienable, absolute right that was the exclusive domain of Jewish wives. There is not a Jewish husband anywhere in the world who while driving the family car did not have to listen to a constant barrage from his direction-giving wife.

“Make a left here.”

“How could you be so stupid. We passed the sign a mile back.”

“You were supposed to go for two blocks and then turn right — not turn right and then go for two blocks.”

On and on it would go, the wife like General Rommel giving instructions to his troops; the husband muttering under his breath all the things he could have said to her — not unlike the guy who tells his boss off and tells him what he can do with his job — except it is all in his head and the only thing that comes out is, “Yes, sir.”

The right to give a husband directions was something that was considered a genetic entitlement of a Jewish wife — something in her DNA — that was like her right to a mink coat. Then along came Detroit.

Everybody knew Henry Ford was an anti-Semite, so much so that he even bought a newspaper to spread his beliefs. But now the Detroit situation has gone too far and Jewish wives are up in arms.

The Detroit car engineers have come up with a dashboard-mounted navigation device — a screen and a voice. You punch in a destination and a woman with a cultured gentile voice gives out precise directions as you are driving…and you don’t have to buy her a mink coat or give her brother a job.

And talking about mink coats, Jewish wives are also being dealt a blow in this area. It used to be that if a Jewish man wanted to get anywhere with his wife, or if he had to make amends for something he did wrong, or something he was thinking of doing wrong or even if he had a look on his face that someday he might have such a thought, the price was a mink coat.

Now however, it is no longer fashionable to wear a fur coat within ten miles of the people who are armed with spray paint cans. These people can usually be easily spotted since they often have tattoos and look like they have not seen a bathtub for some time. They believe that when an animal is killed for its fur, it is murder. Presumably, the leather shoes they wear all came from cows that died of old age. These people believe that it is their duty to spray paint on any woman who wears a fur coat. The only sure way to avoid a collision with a spray of paint is to wear imitation furs. No Jewish woman whose husband can afford a mink coat would be caught dead buying an imitation fur coat, unless it was the finest and most expensive available. The problem is that if the imitation is very good, it will look exactly like the real thing and the woman wearing it would get a spraying, although completely innocent. So now the ultimate status symbol for Jewish wives is to have a real fur coat that look like an imitation. All over the world coat designers for Jewish women are trying to dye and devise ways of working genuine fur to make it resemble the fur of no known animal that has ever been seen on earth. The idea is that the wearers will be confident that their mink coat, dyed purple with yellow spots, looks like some imitation used coat that was purchased on a bad day at a Salvation Army resale store.

Jewish wives were taught by their mothers, as a last bit of advice before getting married, how to use “guilt” as a weapon. Guilt, “Jewish guilt” has been interwoven in the Jewish psyche from Adam on down. Adam felt guilty for eating the apple, and you feel guilty for eating cholesterol. Jewish wives pounced upon this Jewish characteristic and became like Yasha Heifitz when he first saw a violin. They not only utilized it to get what they wanted, but they made it their almost exclusive domain.

Jewish men walk around with guilt for almost every good thing that befalls them: they made too much money, they look good a particular day, they are in good health, their car is too big, they were rude to somebody, etc. A Jewish wife knows how to play on this trait, often by merely saying to their husbands, “You look guilty. You must be up to something.”

Lo and behold, quite suddenly, Jewish wives were deposed as being the prime dispenser of guilt. Now the Catholic Church has taken over the title. Because of some relatively rare misdeeds of a minuscule number of priests, the leaders of the church have assumed the guilt for not only these priests, but for other cases where there has been only a suspicion, a mere suggestion, or because it might have been done by a priest all the way down the chain of authority from the church leader who accepted guilt.

This is a bad year for Jewish wives.