You’ve gotta feel for D.C. The City That Takes A Lot Of Catnaps
has had a rough couple of days. First, it became apparent, and then
official, that the Tyson-Lewis fight would slip through the city
government’s misguided mitts. And then, pretty much concurrently,
the city found itself in the midst of what must feel like an
unwelcome acid flashback as yet another drug-related scandal began
to emerge around a national celebrity named Barry.
No, not Halle Berry and her embarrassing, coke-fueled (okay, I’m
guessing here) acceptance speech — she’s not from D.C. and she
spells it wrong. Of course, the Barry in question is the
effervescent, the charming, the witty, the handsome, the talented,
he’s a close personal friend of mine and all around great guy, the
Oscar goes to… Marion Barry!
Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the District,
Marion “Jaws” Barry rears his inept dorsal fin to let us know that
Richard Dreyfuss didn’t quite take him out in 1990 (the year of his
crack arrest) or 1998 (the year he retired from city office after
having been reelected, after having done jail time, after having
been arrested FOR SMOKING CRACK).
This time, unfortunately, Marion “Bitch Set Me Up” Barry hasn’t
been caught on videotape, pipe in mouth, but the suspicious
incident being reported in the Washington Post should at least cast
some doubt on his new bid for a city council seat — though, as
those familiar with the District’s politics know, it won’t.
What did Barry do this time? Why don’t we turn to the Park
Police’s March 21 Criminal Incident Record, quoted by the
Post: “at approximately 2138 hrs [9:38 p.m.], [Marion] Barry,
age 66, green coat, green trousers, brown shoes, was questioned in
the 100 block of S Street SW in reference to narcotics activity.
BARRY was released from the scene without charges. SUSPECTED DRUG
SEIZED: CRACK COCAINE, MARIJUANA. QUANTITY: TRACE. All units
cleared at approx 2200 hrs [10 p.m.].”
Mr. Barry, of course, had a very good reason for being parked in
a deserted part of town late in the evening with what officers
recounted as a “powdery substance” under his nose. In an
unintentionally hilarious interview with the Post over the weekend,
Barry claimed he was meeting a longtime political friend about a
personal problem she was having (she never showed up, perhaps
scared off by the heat). Furthermore, Barry claimed he was again
being set up by the powers that be in an attempt to thwart his
incipient political comeback.
And, in perhaps the most surreal statement ever made by a
politician, Barry claimed that the police were “attempting to
tarnish my name.”
Well, he may have a point. The otherwise impeccable name of
Barry did find its way into papers across the world Monday as
outlets ranging from the Los Angeles Times to the Daily Post in
Liverpool, England, to the Irish Times recounted the apparently
sordid (but really probably just you know sort of misunderstood and
completely innocent) affair.
Washington, D.C. has been down this road before — four or five
times — with the estimable Mr. Barry. The last time, it lost most
control over its own government because Congress felt obliged to
take over and clean up Marion “Patronage And Incompetence Are My
Middle Names” Barry’s mess. For whatever reason (oh yeah,
patronage), Barry has proven an irresistible political force in the
District and a master at running a government-jobs-for-votes
machine.
While it may be fun to get some entertainment value for their
tax dollars, D.C. residents can ill afford to again make their city
the laughingstock of the world. If Barry had any class, he’d spare
the city the embarrassment of his running for office. Of course, as
the police report revealed, this is a man who wears green pants and
brown shoes — both literally and figuratively. We’ll see if the
city stands any better chance than Lennox Lewis. Just maybe it can
avoid another black eye.
