The American Spectator

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Political wagers usually are reserved for major sporting events like the Final Four or the Super Bowl, but occasionally get made on the outcome of something so small as a Class 3 state football championship, or the annual Texas-Oklahoma football game. It is considered bad form, however, to wager on just any run-of-the-mill athletic contest.

Diminutive Nashville congressman Bob Clement made that mistake a few year ago when the Tennessee Titans played a midseason game against the Washington Redskins. Like a gambling addict desperately needing the action, Clement squared off with Capitol men's room attendant -- and die-hard Skins fan -- Melvin Gaither. Clement offered to pay double for a shoeshine if the Titans lost; Gaither had to pony up a free shine if the Skins fell. The Skins lost, and Gaither duly buffed and shined Clement's tiny shoes. Nothing makes a small man even smaller than when he takes a free shoeshine from a bathroom attendant.

Clement's picayune wager embodies just what is wrong with all of this faux gambling: The small stakes are for wusses. I'll mute my criticism the day the wagers start shaping up like satirist Matt Schroeder suggested before last month's Rams-Patriots Super Bowl. Schroeder wrote a fake news short about the bet between Governors Bob Holden of Missouri and Jane Swift of Massachusetts: "Holden said Monday he would put $1.2 million of state funds against a similar amount from Massachusetts, adding that he would give the Patriots 12 points….'I've got a system that never fails me, plus I have inside information about Patriots injuries that not even the media knows about,' Holden said. 'That money is earmarked for teachers' pensions, and won't the union be thrilled when I double their funds in one afternoon."

Now that's gambling.

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Sports, Law, NATO, Oil