The Clintons have devised yet another way to get back in the
news. With the debonair George W. Bush so popular and issues of the
moment so serious it has not been easy for politics' Bonnie and
Clyde to get ink. Their most recent appearance in headlines cost
them their dog, I refer to the mysterious death of their chocolate
lab, Buddy.
Supposedly Buddy was hit by a car, but cynics cannot rid from
mind the fact that Buddy and the bereaved couple made headlines
just days after the "New York Times" reported (on its front page!)
that the former Boy President had held a telephone conference with
die-hard supporters. Their topic of conversation was how to protect
the Clinton legacy from the bemanuring it has been getting from the
historically-minded. The consensus among Mr. Clinton's assembled
dopes was "get the boss more headlines." Within a very short time
Buddy had suffered his tragic culmination. Some CHs (Clinton
Haters) insist that the dog was assassinated, probably by a hit
team composed of Mr. Paul Begala and Mr. James Carville. Less
extreme CHs, basing their conclusions on earlier events in the
Clinton saga, believe that Buddy saw the writing on the wall, so to
speak, and took his own life. Were he still in the nation's capital
he might have turned up in Fort Marcy Park, his collar and leash
missing.
Actually a more reasonable explanation is that the Clintons
hoped Buddy would make headlines for them by doing something cute.
So they left the door to their New York house open, thinking Buddy
might go gamboling after a jogger or the mail carrier -- assuming
Bill Clinton still gets mail. The dog died in traffic. Well, the
death allowed our great big lovable lug of an ex-president to
display one of his peerless political talents, namely, blubbering
in public. He did. His popularity remained unchanged.
So now the Clintons have devised another ploy for headlines.
This week they got a House Government Reform subcommittee to
publicize its report that the Clintons lied about the value of
scores of gifts they had taken from the White House. "More bad ink
for the Clintons," you say? But wait. At this point the Clintons
are merely trying to keep their political base together. That means
enflaming the millions of credulous boobs who have believed their
every word and actually fear a vast right-wing conspiracy lurks out
there in the Republic. So the Republican-dominated committee
publicized its findings. The Clinton spokesman James E. Kennedy
denounced the findings as "old news" (where have we heard that one
before?) and the CDs (Clinton Dupes) rallied around the embattled
couple. It is the best the Clintons can hope for in these sad
times.
And this just in: Senator Edward Kennedy, the Hero of
Chappaquiddick, has a dog that he named "Splash." Is the thing
possible? Do any of our readers want to speculate on the names of
other ill-starred pols' pets? Let us hear from you.
R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr. is editor in chief of The
American Spectator.
topics:
Bill Clinton, NATO
