The Clintons have devised yet another way to get back in the news. With the debonair George W. Bush so popular and issues of the moment so serious it has not been easy for politics’ Bonnie and Clyde to get ink. Their most recent appearance in headlines cost them their dog, I refer to the mysterious death of their chocolate lab, Buddy.

Supposedly Buddy was hit by a car, but cynics cannot rid from mind the fact that Buddy and the bereaved couple made headlines just days after the “New York Times” reported (on its front page!) that the former Boy President had held a telephone conference with die-hard supporters. Their topic of conversation was how to protect the Clinton legacy from the bemanuring it has been getting from the historically-minded. The consensus among Mr. Clinton’s assembled dopes was “get the boss more headlines.” Within a very short time Buddy had suffered his tragic culmination. Some CHs (Clinton Haters) insist that the dog was assassinated, probably by a hit team composed of Mr. Paul Begala and Mr. James Carville. Less extreme CHs, basing their conclusions on earlier events in the Clinton saga, believe that Buddy saw the writing on the wall, so to speak, and took his own life. Were he still in the nation’s capital he might have turned up in Fort Marcy Park, his collar and leash missing.

Actually a more reasonable explanation is that the Clintons hoped Buddy would make headlines for them by doing something cute. So they left the door to their New York house open, thinking Buddy might go gamboling after a jogger or the mail carrier — assuming Bill Clinton still gets mail. The dog died in traffic. Well, the death allowed our great big lovable lug of an ex-president to display one of his peerless political talents, namely, blubbering in public. He did. His popularity remained unchanged.

So now the Clintons have devised another ploy for headlines. This week they got a House Government Reform subcommittee to publicize its report that the Clintons lied about the value of scores of gifts they had taken from the White House. “More bad ink for the Clintons,” you say? But wait. At this point the Clintons are merely trying to keep their political base together. That means enflaming the millions of credulous boobs who have believed their every word and actually fear a vast right-wing conspiracy lurks out there in the Republic. So the Republican-dominated committee publicized its findings. The Clinton spokesman James E. Kennedy denounced the findings as “old news” (where have we heard that one before?) and the CDs (Clinton Dupes) rallied around the embattled couple. It is the best the Clintons can hope for in these sad times.

And this just in: Senator Edward Kennedy, the Hero of Chappaquiddick, has a dog that he named “Splash.” Is the thing possible? Do any of our readers want to speculate on the names of other ill-starred pols’ pets? Let us hear from you.

R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr. is editor in chief of The American Spectator.