Unlike a current ruling clique, Enemy Central has real staying power. Thus while the U.S. administration has terminated its search for Iraqi WMD’s, we remain on patrol. To the best of our knowledge, America continues to be targeted by wimps of mass distraction.
Just to pull a few of them out of our sombrero, last week we saw Ms. Barbara Boxer shedding a tear for public consumption. Some contend it was a droplet left over from Ron Brown’s funeral. Published photographs, however, told another story. The good senator is suddenly aging, graying. That’s not the Babs we know. We’re crying with her too. How little time we all have left.
That’s what Ted K. must be thinking. According to the N.Y. Times, the Big Glug delivered himself of a major address the other day that “sounded like an early speech by someone working out the themes for a race for president.” He needs to get a move on, if he is to be inaugurated before he turns 77 in early 2009. Thematically he’s all set. Amnesty, acid, and abortion top his list of priorities, though, good Catholic he is, he’ll be happy to shift the order around. Thanks to a speech impediment, he indicated he’s flexible about whom he’ll select as his veep, so long as he can refer to him as “Osama.”
Ms. Maureen Dowd yet again has publicized her own difficulties in landing a partner. In her latest confessional, she notes that everywhere men are preferring women beneath her professional, intellectual, and social stature. In an instance of compassionate conservatism, Mr. Rush Limbaugh played Mr. Lonelyhearts yesterday and read Maureen’s teary column aloud to his audience of Sister Sarahs. As we go to press, still no word whether any gentleman out there has dumped his maid or hat-check girl in favor of Dr. Dowd. Personal sacrifice is not exactly in vogue these days.
Over in Tony Blair land, the prince formerly known as Harry is in deep fertilizer. Unlike the Bush girls, who can turn to Oscar de la Renta for sartorial tips, the old boy could only resort to leafing through fashion catalogues once owned by the Duke and Duchess of Windsor, who had received them as gifts from U.S. Ambassador Joseph Kennedy. Next thing you know, the young man was wearing short sleeves and armbands embossed with jagged insignia. What upsets the British most is that Harry’s fashion statement could be taken as an obvious gesture of respect for the U.S. President, George W. Bush. Now that Kid Rock has been disinvited from the coming Inauguration, might there be room for Harry?
Which brings to mind the proprietor of the struggling website MediaMatters.org, who made a career of being disinvited. Last thing he needed was to pick a fight. Thus he and his site discreetly failed to react to the new report on the forgeries that Dan Rather and Mary Mapes passed off as genuine. How rapidly the Brock boys forgot that last fall they insisted the case for the memos’ authenticity was “strong.” Meanwhile, earlier this month they defended their Uncle Clinton against charges he had insulted Bad Bush by upstaging him on BBC after the Tsunami broke. In defending Clinton, the Brockettes kicked at our humble site, among others. Pretty soon, we were receiving hate mail, along with copies of Clinton’s actual remarks, as posted on the Media Matters site. What a colossal mistake.
Here is what he said. Here is what Bill Clinton said:
“Unbelievable. I saw the map today on how it worked. It was like one of these horror movies that we’ve been seeing. You know, it’s also a great opportunity. I remember after the Turkish disaster [1999 earthquake], I actually went into the refugee camps in Turkey and sat in the tents and talked to the people….”
How delicious. In contrast to the callous Bush, staying home in Crawford, Clinton was suggesting he had rushed to the side of victims of an earlier disaster. What listeners couldn’t have known, unless they had access to our research facilities, is that the Turkish earthquake occurred in August 1999, and Clinton did not visit the refugee camps until November 1999. So by our count, Bush has a three-month window in which to demonstrate Clinton-quality solidarity with the suffering South Asians. We’ll check again with our EOWs at MediaMatters.org in late March to see how they took advantage of this great opportunity of their own.