Wlady: You know I will do almost anything you ask, but you ask too much. If we required detainees at Gitmo to sit through “The Parent Trap” we’d clearly be violating the McCain Amendment. If penance I must do, please make it reasonable. Maybe a screening of “Funeral in Berlin” – a real snoozer – or even “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” but not, I beg you, “The Parent Trap.” As to Maureen – even in those days, the McClintock era – she was a lot more trouble than she was worth. Candice — even in Murphy Brown — was pretty and pretty amusing, despite what Dan Quayle said. And what, pray, is wrong with Valerie Bertinelli? Both she and Candice are vastly better actresses than Jamie Curtis, who inherited all her father’s talent. I will always maintain that “The Black Shield of Falworth” (“yonda is my fadda’s castle”) is the worst movie ever.